Substantial Reclamation

Dreams littered with stirred up memories. Old locations. The high school attended, the elementary school, the childhood crushes and vanities and sorrows. Learning to walk through the woods to get home to avoid the bullies, a history of violence leading to nature's first communion. The church of the redwing blackbird. Finding old photographs that depict a boy full of silence, a quiet tight-lipped concentrator on things others never noticed. Playing piano on a summer afternoon shirtless in the heat snapshot photographed by amateur family camera embarrassed by either shirtlessness or photographer's distraction while playing a difficult piece. Youthful stage-fright. Another photograph sitting at breakfast table reading a magazine surrounded by flowers winter weekend morning snow outside flowers in vase on table. Something romantic about the image, something lovely. Parents trusted boy at home when going to evening concerts, trusted him not to get into trouble. How he wishes he had, certain kinds of trouble anyway. Dreams always in color, memories always colored, photographs sometimes black and white. dreams of flying down the school corridors, or flying outside, avoiding trees and powerlines. Another photograph of washing the family car, wearing only a swimsuit, water, suds, and glasses. Always wearing glasses. A serious boy at any age. In camera's eye few smiles fully bright few grins unguarded, always something in the eyes that doubts questions seriously wonders. Fresh lithe limbs with old man's gaze. Dreams inhabit some memories more than others, coloring perceptions, waking up stirred and troubled, needing to revisit old locations, revisiting feelings sifted for places to be now, here, now, then, awakened fluttering in the breast come morning waking alone.